Spring...

has sprung! I'm feeling good and went on a bike ride. There are buds of flowers starting to come up all over the yard. I think this summer will be a lot better than last. I struggle with summer depression, but since this will be our second year at the house, I'm sure it will be smoother. Our tv broke. It's either one thing or another, but I'm getting a lot more used to being a home owner now. We are saving our money for emergencies and paying with cash instead of using the credit card. We have a lot of work ahead of us concerning the yard, but it'll keep us busy, and hopefully I can lose some more weight! Happy wishes!

Trigger from the past

I saw someone who had helped torment me in school. And I think she lives in our neighborhood. And the sadness came back, and the fear, and the anger. I saw her mother today. I don't know what to think or do. I know the past is the past, but the trauma of my childhood is why I have bPd in the first place. Any Help?

Updates and such

I haven't blogged for a while. I know. I just put some youtube stuff up, not really writing about my thoughts. August was a tough month for me and Hubby. Something big happened (little too personal to blog about), but fortunately in has only made our marriage stronger. I hadn't wanted to really blog because of it and all the feelings this thing that happened made me feel.
However, we went to the baby doctor Wednesday, a new one (my old one moved); they have different methods, and he ran some tests. I had a sonogram and a vaginal sonogram done. One of my ovaries has PCOS and that fallopian tube is blocked. This coming Wednesday, I go to the hospital for an outpatient HSG procedure. They are also going to try to unblock the fallopian tube with a catheter. I'm scared 'cause I heard it could be painful, but I would give my right arm for a baby, so I'm gonna have to grin and bear it. From there, I don't know what we'll do. We could have to do IVF treatments. But I'll find out Wednesday.
I saw my pdoc the week before last and got a script for Remeron. This stuff made me have horrible dreams. I told the nurse and got back on Pristiq, but 50mg instead of 100mg. I have also decreased my Seroqual down to 200. I've been going outside more and have been able to enjoy the house more. I'm sure it's the change in weather.
I feel a lot better about the baby thing. The other doctor just gave me Clomid, so I hope I get pregnant one of these days. Since I've also been feeling better mentally, i've been looking for another little part time job to add on. I may go back to subbing , but am going to pray about it. Peace.

Update

Enjoying ribbon and her company , but can feel my summer depression creeping in. I just have to make myself do things, keep seeing my counselour weekly and get outside more I guess. We're actually making couple friends and I'm excited about that. Also, my niece has tee ball games on Wednesday. I'm planning on painting our bedroom this summer, too. It has this creepy old lady wallpaper on it and HAS to be removed soon. haha. Lots of flowers are blooming around the house. It's a nice surprise. It keeeps raining, though, and I need to mow the yard soooo bad. Becasue of the rain, our driveway has flooded several times, so Hubby and I are going to dig a ditch and put in some pipe. Wish us luck!

Pic of Ribbon

Ribbon is finally home!

We got the cat today. First she had to get surgery because there was a crystal in her urine. So, I had to wait. Then when I went to pick her up yesterday, right before I put her in her kitty carrier, I noticed that she had taken out her stitches, so I had to rush to the vet and wait until today. Because of the stitches incident, she is wearing "the cone of shame", which she hates, but she gets the stitches out in ten days or so. She is a very good cat and very loving. I think she will do wonders for my mood and boredom. I hope Hubby is glad we got a cat. He said he is, but I still wonder. I tried to upload a pic of her on my camera phone to my computer, but it didn't work , so pics are to come. Wish me and Ribbon luck. :)

Well...

I survived my birthday. I am now thirty. I was pretty depressed about it, so I decided to "embrace it." We had ribs and cake and I finally cleaned the rest of the house. Next Saturday, we are having our very first party/ get together thingy. Hubby mowed part of the yard so I need to mow the rest of it today. I'm just really glad that the entire house has been cleaned for the first time since we've been here. It's kinda stressful having about twenty people over, but I'm going to try not to freak over it. Wish me luck.

so...

I mowed our lawn today! While trying to get the motor started, I busted and bruised my finger. When I was almost done mowing, I fell into a sewer ditch. Whatever was in there (don't wanna think about it) was so thick that I needed help getting pulled out. Did I mention that last week I was toting five laundry baskets downstairs and fell down the steps! My tailbone is still sore. I love the house, but man we have a huge yard and the laundry is downstairs.
I made this stupid promise to Hubby that if we ever got a house, I would mow the yard. I looked at riding mowers and they cost more than my car, so I will need to toughen up, and make more than one trip with those stupid laundry baskets! Ha ha!

In order to lose weight...

buy a house! Ha! I lost ten pounds since we've been in the new house! I think it has to do with the moving and cleaning and just having a larger living area. I have to go downstairs and into the garage to do laundry and we don't have a t.v. on the first floor. I've become such a couch potato at the apartment. Plus, we have so much more responsiblities. Good move, pigtails, good move. I have yet to buy a lawnmower, but Hubby wants to be in on the purchase and the mowing will help my chubby tummy, too.

In the new house

Love :
the deck, the view of horses from my office window, the garage

But, the last owners left it so filthy and Hubby has had to fix tons of things that could have been really easy fixes for the last owners.

The last three days have been so busy and stressfful, but things are finally calming down. We're going bike riding tonight in our new neighborhood and I"m actually glad I will be doing laundry, just so it can start feeling like home. I may post pics soon. Til then...

Going to...

move computer to the new house! Will see ya soon!

People actually follow my blog!

Am I slow or what? I just clicked on the "followers" part of my blog and found out I have three followers! It's very exciting! I just thought WC was the only person besides sis #2 who was reading my blog. I better put more effort into this sucker and write a bit every day or so. Oh, we have only ten, yes ten more days before we move into the new house. We still have so much stuff to pack. I can't believe we have so much junk in out little apartment!
I guess the increase in Prisitiq and adding of the Trazodone is working. I haven't felt real horrible in about a week.

Stuff we will have in the new house that we've never had at the apartment:

a yard (have to mow it)

a double garage (sweet!)

no railroad track next to us (yes!)

a patio/deck thingy

a fireplace (place to hang stockings-check)

trash pickup (instead of a communal dumpster)

neighbors that we can actually be friends with

a mailbox

1.5 bathrooms

an extra bedroom

We Haz house

but unsettling, worried nerves from it.
had to go to the E.r yesterday to get an atavan and a prescription for Trazadone. My stomache has been killing me. I hate change and i guess my body has responded.