Sunday, November 28, 2010


I made it through both of our family thanksgiving parties. I decided yesterday that I better start taking a half of klonopin in the afternoon to deal with my stress and worry. Hubby has been off of work for vacation time this past week and he starts back tom. We've kinda been making friends with this couple at church, Idk, saying "hi" and catching up and stuff. I'm so terrified of having new relationships. I think I have problems with boundaries. I know I have abandonment and intimacy issues. Ugh.. I hope I get another job soon.

Friday, November 26, 2010

So fellow borderlines...

are you hyper sensitive, too? any thoughts?


My therapist says I have way too much free time on my hands and becasue of this, I worry and think too much, basically making myself miserable with my bad thoughts. But what can I do, really? We are in a bit of financial trouble (never buy I bloody house ever!) Car parts are breaking, the cat is getting sick. I want to go to the gym, but that costs money. We cannont afford cable. I have the internet, the cat, my pt job, and church. That's all folks! Everything costs money, seems like. It snowed yesterday. Too much time. I had a job interview and am waiting to hear back. It gets dark at 5pm. I asked Hubby if one could literally be bored to death. I guess I should just sit back and wait ((shudder))I am fat I am fat I am fat.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Trigger from the past

I saw someone who had helped torment me in school. And I think she lives in our neighborhood. And the sadness came back, and the fear, and the anger. I saw her mother today. I don't know what to think or do. I know the past is the past, but the trauma of my childhood is why I have bPd in the first place. Any Help?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Do something.

So, my counselor strongly suggested I do volunteer work while trying to find another pt job. So, Friday I am going to take an elderly woman to a dr. appnt. through an agency here. I think it was interesting that my counselor told me I needed to do something with my time and NOT just working around the house, but she said I had to do something fulfilling like help people. I agreed. This overwhelming feeling of "there is nothing" has been haunting me since summer. Wish me luck.