Saturday, December 25, 2010

Happy Christmas!

survived one family party- one more to go!
My sister-in-law had her first baby two days ago, so that's very exciting! I can't believe my brother is going to be a dad! But, he'll be an awesome one, I'm sure!
Stress levels are of course way up, but I'm trying to cope. I think I may be an emotional eater-when things are going bad, I just have at it and don't care what I stuff in my face or the amount. Not good.
Anywho, Happy Holidays, whatever your beliefs or non-beliefs!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Are emotional cameleons weak?

Whenever I "take on the characteristics of people around me" -which I do all the time, I feel like I have taken a step back in my recovery. Why can't I just be me? Why do I feel pushed around in my friendships?
I guess there are positive things to being a cameleon. I mean, I can imitate any singer or actor, once I hear them. This makes people laugh. But really, who am I? Why do I have to turn into those around me? This doesn't help my low self-esteem problem at all!
Good thing I like music. Below, I have posted a new song by Pink, so raise your glass!

Raise Your Glass

Friday, December 17, 2010

A suicide

Thank you, Wandering Coyote for letting everyone know in the blogosphere that Bruce has passed on. I hope he has found some peace.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Why aren't you there?

My counselour doesn't call me back when I call her ... ever. Four weeks ago, I was raking leaves and accidentlyt caught the yard on fire. It almost reached the neighbors' house. Needless to say, I was a little shooken up. My bpd kicked in a thought I needed to be punished for messing up. I saw her yesterday and askded why she didn't call me back. She said that I had sounded a little muffled on the phone, but this woman knows my damn number. Is she just being a lousy ass counselour or what? This happened four friggin weeks ago. I need a support system, and I sure pay enough to see her, why can't I get the support? It really pissed me off.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I used to...

have a pretend life with an imaginary persona, well many different imaginary personas. That's how I dealt with my selective mutism. The kids in class would talk and goof off, while I pretended to be anywhere but there, and anyone but myself, for that sake. Now, I take medication. I don't have imaginary personas these days. I just try to deal with talking in public and making friends. It can be hard and it was kinda fun to have imaginary personas, but that wasn't reality and I want reality no matter how crappy it is.