This is my personal journal about my life and how I cope with my mental illness and personality disorder. Where do I find "my happy?" Is it even out there? How do I keep it.
I have a love/hate relationship with my mum as we are both borderline but she is just not diagnosed. So we both have all of that stuff wirling around us. One minute I want her around [hense me spending two days at her house] and then when I get home I won't want to talk to her for ages. It's so fucked up!
My Mom was diagnosed with BPD almost a year ago. I don't know what to do, everything I try fails, everything her therapist and psychologist suggest her trying, she bats away. Every time I have to go somewhere without her and I leave her alone, I'm afraid of what I'd find when I get home. I know having BPD is hard, I've read . . . lots, I acknowledge that, and that recovery, or even progress can be difficult and slow, but why can't I find any hope in her anymore? Despite everything that she's tried, she seems to sink deeper and deeper.
I have 2 moms actually. My biological mom to me is like a stranger since she was absent from my life until a year ago. She's forcing herself into my life. I hate her. I hate her guts. I even feel disturbed by the fact I have her blood in me, yet I feel sorry for her because she is suffering from depression. As for my godmother, I am in a love-hate relationship with her. That's because she didn't protect me from the abuse I got from her second son and she doesn't understand the fact I am sick. But compared to my biological mom, I'm more comfortable with my godmother.