The emptiness consumes me

BPD sucks when I feel like I have nothing to know and like I'm not worth anything because of it. I've been doing crafts here lately and want to sell them, but don't have the money to really buy a lot of materials, to sell them. I was so bored, last night, I guess I wanted to feel something, anything besides this emptiness, so anyway, I did something I shouldn't have. It wasn't major or harmful, but I felt really guilty and told Hubby about it today. He was hurt, but forgave me. I told him it had nothing to do with him, but i guess it does anyway, since it hurt him. when I read" i hate you -don't leave me," it said that one of the symptoms is "chronic emptiness." I have emptiness, but it's not chronic..,. good thing I've been working on this bpd thing.