This is my personal journal about my life and how I cope with my mental illness and personality disorder. Where do I find "my happy?" Is it even out there? How do I keep it.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Busy
I"ve been going to the gym and taking care of myself. I am a lot happier than I've beeen in a long while and me likey. Part of my borderline therpay is slowing down and doing things for myself. I tell ya, it's really helping. Even my relationships with other people are improving. The trick is, though, that I have to keep it up. That's the hard part, so I have to work hard.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Adult ADHD?
I was thinking about this lately-maybe I have it. It is sooo hard for me to slow down. I get distracted easily and it seems like I always have five things on my mind, unless I make a conscious effort to take my time and slow the heck down.
Or maybe I've had these symptoms lately 'casue I've been on the ole wonderful emotional borderline rollercoaster for so long. Something to think about.
Or maybe I've had these symptoms lately 'casue I've been on the ole wonderful emotional borderline rollercoaster for so long. Something to think about.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
A conversation

"I'm bored."
"Then,go play or, you can help me was windows."
"I hate washing windows."
"Then go play."
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Because I can't"
"why can't you?"
"The other kids don't want me in the clubhouse."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why? Did you even ask?"
"No, but-"
"Go ask. You can't just say they don't want you to play if you don't ask."
"They won't. I just know it."
"NO, you don't know it. They might let you play. How are you ever gonna make friends if you don't go ask? They might like you. You don't know. Now go ask."
Then, the misunderstood, little girl picked up the nearest potted plant and threw it at her mother. She got five spankins for it.
More music therapy
Dear mom,
I hate you so much! rot in hell. You made me a bad person.
But, Please never give up on me and always call me back when I leave a message. I need you.
I hate you so much! rot in hell. You made me a bad person.
But, Please never give up on me and always call me back when I leave a message. I need you.
Friday, October 30, 2009
"you must be this tall to ride"

Yep, I've definitely jumped on the emotional roller coaster. Actually, I've been on it awhile. My triggers have included: not getting my period, my hormones being screwed up, being mad at myself for not losing weight, and having bronchitis, being isolated, and feeling lonely and unvalidated.
But, I think the first step for me to get off of it is to admit (gulp), I have been reacting like a six-year old. I am "borderline moody" and impulsive.
I HATE having to admit that. I've been blaming so many ohter things and other people for behaving the way I have. I haven't slown down to really acknowledge that I have the ability to control how I react to things.
Maybe, now I can begin that journey of trying to get off the roller coaster and find some peace.
I'll keep you updated.
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