Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Problems with Identity
Well, I've been struggling a little lately and it's late and I don't have to go to work tom., so I'm up and blogging. Tami Green is a dbt life coach and in one of her videos, she talks about the bpd criteria of problems with identity. She started to find out who she was by first compiling a simple list of her likes and dislikes. For example, she started out slowly by writing down that she liked the color "green." So, she became "someone who likes the color, 'green." Well, I don't like green. In fact, my favorite color is blue.
Since I have been struggling, I've decided to compose a list of likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc, to help me out and quite frankly pass some time (boredom is a big trigger).
Here goes:
likes:
Hello Kitty
shades of blue (from sky blue to a dark blue)
the singer, Pink
singing
dancing
speaking with various accents
making people laugh
the fall
painting my nails
dislikes:
hot weather
racist people
large, Catholic weddings
pushy people
accomplishments:
getting my driver's license
not having to go to day treatment anymore
graduating from college
I sold cutlery for a week.
I 've been a sub teacher's aide.
I've been a home care aide.
I had my own tutoring program.
I volunteered at a pet shelter.
I married the man of my dreams (and am still happily married).
We are out of debt.
I stood up to a therapist when I knew in my heart I was right.
I stood up to my boss when he was inappropriate.
I make jewelry.
I have a blog.
That's all for now. What are your "likes?"
Since I have been struggling, I've decided to compose a list of likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc, to help me out and quite frankly pass some time (boredom is a big trigger).
Here goes:
likes:
Hello Kitty
shades of blue (from sky blue to a dark blue)
the singer, Pink
singing
dancing
speaking with various accents
making people laugh
the fall
painting my nails
dislikes:
hot weather
racist people
large, Catholic weddings
pushy people
accomplishments:
getting my driver's license
not having to go to day treatment anymore
graduating from college
I sold cutlery for a week.
I 've been a sub teacher's aide.
I've been a home care aide.
I had my own tutoring program.
I volunteered at a pet shelter.
I married the man of my dreams (and am still happily married).
We are out of debt.
I stood up to a therapist when I knew in my heart I was right.
I stood up to my boss when he was inappropriate.
I make jewelry.
I have a blog.
That's all for now. What are your "likes?"
Monday, May 9, 2011
More memes off of BPD in OKC blog
What do you feel unworthy of?
success
Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?
something for humanity-I want to be famous
Which do you value more: science or intuition?
don't care
Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first?
The hubs-I know he really loves me.
Does the universe revolve around human beings?
of course it does
Do you wish you were still a virgin?
No , I'm married.
Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now?
my sister!
What is your favorite song from the 90's?
so many-anything by the Cranberries or TLC
If you were in alphabet soup , what letter would you be?
L
Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc?
ghosts-I used to but not really anymore
angels-yes!
What makes you want to be someone's friend?
They like me back and are a good person
Do you troll around the internet harassing people anonymously for fun?
no
Have you ever seen the movie A Man wHo Fell To Earth?
no, is it good?
What is your favorite line from a movie?
"all girls are princesses-they all are , even if they live in tiny old attics and wear rags"-The Little Princess
What's your favorite video game?
Webkinz
Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours?
no
What is one phrase people say that irritates you?
"That's sooo funny." -If it's so funny, why aren't you laughing? ugh
You allow strangers to read your blog, but would you allow your parents to read it?
No, I vent about my mom on here
Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower?
bath
Are you allergic to anything?
Zoloft
What is your favorite Terminator movie?
The very first one
What is your favorite fast food?
crab rangoon, if that counts
What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?
Tell me I'm a horrible person and that they never want to see me again
Would (or have) you ever whipped someone or been whipped by someone in bed?
eye roll here
Have you ever said "I hate everyone" and really meant it literally?
yes, but never meant it
Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend?
security
Have you ever one a carnival fish?
no
What's the best sounding accent a person can have?
any unAmerican- I love them all! I hate southern accents, though
What's the most boring thing you've ever read?
can't remember
Do you prefer buttons or touch screens?
buttons
Do you think there is a lot of similarity between Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series?
I just song the Rings movies, so I don't know
Would you consider yourself to be naive?
no
Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?
the one I am no longer friends with
What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it?
a $20
Would you ever wear real fur?
honestly, I don't think I will ever have the money to buy any
Arachnophobia or Eight-Legged Freaks?
what?
What are your feeling about police officers?
two things: I get paranoid when one is behind me and I'm driving, they are arrogant
What is your favorite line from a song?
What do I know of you-who spoke me into motion, Where do I even stand , but the shore upon your ocean-Addison Road
Is fifty dollars a lot of money?
yes, but when I pay bills, it doesn't seem like it
Do you like the band Front 242?
never heard of them
Would you rather have fame, money, or self -satisfaction?
Self satisfaction, then I would probably go somewhere and do something big!
What's your middle name?
Ann
What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?
good one, fart in public-on camera
Are you good, evil , or neutral?
I am good, but sometimes I do not so nice things
Should ebonics be considered a language?
hmm, yes, that would be fun!
What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be?
yellow, tan so it would match about anything
When are you planning to move to a new home?
after we rent again, save up money, and decide where to live lol
If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be?
maybe seven hundred dollars
Do you blow your nose in public?
yes, even into napkins and I don't care
Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps?
no I want to find my own way
What is the coolest web site you know of?
Post Secret-it's such a neat idea
Which cartoon strip would you like to see turned into a movie?
maybe Cathy idk
Of the following, which work best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful?
fair minded
What would make a new Crayola color?
period red lol
If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does it cast doubt over its significance?
umm, maybe
If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration?
Pink (also)
Who is the greatest philosopher of your country?
idk
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
to the rich
Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?
no, unfortunately not, happiness comes from within when you are a grownup, and I am struggling with that a bit
Who knows more... you, or your parents?
I don't want to talk about then now thanks.
What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?
acoustic guitar
Children fill their lungs completeluy with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change?
We are more cautious
Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?
no
Are you completely in control of your body? Are you completely in control of your mind?
No, but we are taught we are Yes, but we are taught we aren't
Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittery boquet or flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway?
hanndpicked, of course, anyone can buy flowers
Do you know yourself weel enough to understand why you feel the way you do?
no, but I'm working on it
Which do you do more often: let movies, books, and songs, put your feeelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself?
by myself
Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product?
of course not
What kind of movies do you wish were made more often?
good ones
Does fashion matter to you?
sometimes
Should politicians be held the same legal standards as everyone else?
yes
What do you get in trouble for most?
not being positive
What is your worst daily habit?
idk
If you had your choice wich one TV show would you have cancelled?
Family Guy
Do you like the taste of salt or sweet?
both
Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
yes
What do you feel the most guilty about?
a lot
Do you meditate?
no, but I should
Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images?
I think they are what is going on, consciously and subconsciously
Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way?
yes
The thief____ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill the blank with?
hopes
What's the most incredible experience you ever had?
seeing the ocean for the first time
Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel?
all the time
Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it?
I do it with myself, not with others except the hubs and my mom
What is one thing you can't do?
love myself
Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston?
I never saw any with him, I don't think
Are you gentle?
with others, not with myself, but working on it
When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
when I'm crying in public
Are you trying to find yourself?
yes
Where are you looking?
at these questions I had printed off my computer
Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings?
yes
What would make you a stronger person?
liking myself more
What book would you like to read to someone soon?
I Hate you-don't leave me: i would like to quote it at a self help group
success
Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?
something for humanity-I want to be famous
Which do you value more: science or intuition?
don't care
Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first?
The hubs-I know he really loves me.
Does the universe revolve around human beings?
of course it does
Do you wish you were still a virgin?
No , I'm married.
Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now?
my sister!
What is your favorite song from the 90's?
so many-anything by the Cranberries or TLC
If you were in alphabet soup , what letter would you be?
L
Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc?
ghosts-I used to but not really anymore
angels-yes!
What makes you want to be someone's friend?
They like me back and are a good person
Do you troll around the internet harassing people anonymously for fun?
no
Have you ever seen the movie A Man wHo Fell To Earth?
no, is it good?
What is your favorite line from a movie?
"all girls are princesses-they all are , even if they live in tiny old attics and wear rags"-The Little Princess
What's your favorite video game?
Webkinz
Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours?
no
What is one phrase people say that irritates you?
"That's sooo funny." -If it's so funny, why aren't you laughing? ugh
You allow strangers to read your blog, but would you allow your parents to read it?
No, I vent about my mom on here
Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower?
bath
Are you allergic to anything?
Zoloft
What is your favorite Terminator movie?
The very first one
What is your favorite fast food?
crab rangoon, if that counts
What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?
Tell me I'm a horrible person and that they never want to see me again
Would (or have) you ever whipped someone or been whipped by someone in bed?
eye roll here
Have you ever said "I hate everyone" and really meant it literally?
yes, but never meant it
Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend?
security
Have you ever one a carnival fish?
no
What's the best sounding accent a person can have?
any unAmerican- I love them all! I hate southern accents, though
What's the most boring thing you've ever read?
can't remember
Do you prefer buttons or touch screens?
buttons
Do you think there is a lot of similarity between Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series?
I just song the Rings movies, so I don't know
Would you consider yourself to be naive?
no
Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?
the one I am no longer friends with
What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it?
a $20
Would you ever wear real fur?
honestly, I don't think I will ever have the money to buy any
Arachnophobia or Eight-Legged Freaks?
what?
What are your feeling about police officers?
two things: I get paranoid when one is behind me and I'm driving, they are arrogant
What is your favorite line from a song?
What do I know of you-who spoke me into motion, Where do I even stand , but the shore upon your ocean-Addison Road
Is fifty dollars a lot of money?
yes, but when I pay bills, it doesn't seem like it
Do you like the band Front 242?
never heard of them
Would you rather have fame, money, or self -satisfaction?
Self satisfaction, then I would probably go somewhere and do something big!
What's your middle name?
Ann
What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?
good one, fart in public-on camera
Are you good, evil , or neutral?
I am good, but sometimes I do not so nice things
Should ebonics be considered a language?
hmm, yes, that would be fun!
What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be?
yellow, tan so it would match about anything
When are you planning to move to a new home?
after we rent again, save up money, and decide where to live lol
If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be?
maybe seven hundred dollars
Do you blow your nose in public?
yes, even into napkins and I don't care
Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps?
no I want to find my own way
What is the coolest web site you know of?
Post Secret-it's such a neat idea
Which cartoon strip would you like to see turned into a movie?
maybe Cathy idk
Of the following, which work best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful?
fair minded
What would make a new Crayola color?
period red lol
If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does it cast doubt over its significance?
umm, maybe
If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration?
Pink (also)
Who is the greatest philosopher of your country?
idk
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
to the rich
Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?
no, unfortunately not, happiness comes from within when you are a grownup, and I am struggling with that a bit
Who knows more... you, or your parents?
I don't want to talk about then now thanks.
What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?
acoustic guitar
Children fill their lungs completeluy with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change?
We are more cautious
Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?
no
Are you completely in control of your body? Are you completely in control of your mind?
No, but we are taught we are Yes, but we are taught we aren't
Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittery boquet or flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway?
hanndpicked, of course, anyone can buy flowers
Do you know yourself weel enough to understand why you feel the way you do?
no, but I'm working on it
Which do you do more often: let movies, books, and songs, put your feeelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself?
by myself
Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product?
of course not
What kind of movies do you wish were made more often?
good ones
Does fashion matter to you?
sometimes
Should politicians be held the same legal standards as everyone else?
yes
What do you get in trouble for most?
not being positive
What is your worst daily habit?
idk
If you had your choice wich one TV show would you have cancelled?
Family Guy
Do you like the taste of salt or sweet?
both
Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
yes
What do you feel the most guilty about?
a lot
Do you meditate?
no, but I should
Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images?
I think they are what is going on, consciously and subconsciously
Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way?
yes
The thief____ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill the blank with?
hopes
What's the most incredible experience you ever had?
seeing the ocean for the first time
Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel?
all the time
Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it?
I do it with myself, not with others except the hubs and my mom
What is one thing you can't do?
love myself
Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston?
I never saw any with him, I don't think
Are you gentle?
with others, not with myself, but working on it
When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
when I'm crying in public
Are you trying to find yourself?
yes
Where are you looking?
at these questions I had printed off my computer
Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings?
yes
What would make you a stronger person?
liking myself more
What book would you like to read to someone soon?
I Hate you-don't leave me: i would like to quote it at a self help group
Trying out memes
this one I saw from BPD in OKC
Here goes:
1. Have you ever been in a situation with a lover where you did not know what tomorrow would bring?
yes, almost all of them
2. What worries you most today?
money
3. Could I tell if you were lying to me?
God yes, I couldn't do it.
4. What do you miss about the 80's?
being an innocent child/having all kinds of hope
5. What's going on that you can't understand?
can't think of anything
6. How would I know if you liked me?
I would ask to be your friend on facebook or e-mail you.
7. If you ever won an award, what would it be for?
something to have to do with school
8. What would we be surprised to know that you've done?
I was a karaoke queen!lol
9. What's the most exotic mixed drink you remember trying? Did you enjoy it?
peach schnapps with Sprite and yes it was yummy
Here goes:
1. Have you ever been in a situation with a lover where you did not know what tomorrow would bring?
yes, almost all of them
2. What worries you most today?
money
3. Could I tell if you were lying to me?
God yes, I couldn't do it.
4. What do you miss about the 80's?
being an innocent child/having all kinds of hope
5. What's going on that you can't understand?
can't think of anything
6. How would I know if you liked me?
I would ask to be your friend on facebook or e-mail you.
7. If you ever won an award, what would it be for?
something to have to do with school
8. What would we be surprised to know that you've done?
I was a karaoke queen!lol
9. What's the most exotic mixed drink you remember trying? Did you enjoy it?
peach schnapps with Sprite and yes it was yummy
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Bad Self Harm Thoughts...
have popped up again. I am stressed out over money. Hubby's car broke down.
It's so weird I feel so bad-fat, ugly, unloved. Why can't I just be normal? My therapist told me last week that there was no such thing as summmer depression. She told me it was all in my head. WTF? I'm trying to get some sun and be a good little girl like she asked, but it's not helping. I hate this.
It's so weird I feel so bad-fat, ugly, unloved. Why can't I just be normal? My therapist told me last week that there was no such thing as summmer depression. She told me it was all in my head. WTF? I'm trying to get some sun and be a good little girl like she asked, but it's not helping. I hate this.
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