I just want

to be happy for more than a half hour at a time. I know if that I go into the hospital, The pdoc will say to make a list of things to do or get more work at my job. If it was that easy, well, it's not. I hate having BPD-the chronic emptyness, the rages, the self hate. I feel so alone and bored and pointless. Make this go away.

Okay,

so, my OCD has gotten really really bad the last week and a half. It's about to drive me nutso. I go in and out of really low moods, I don't know If I'm being borderline or what. I'll just lay in bed and eat really unhealthy junk and feel absoluteyl hopeless. I have a bridal shower to put together and I'm excited about it, but it's not 'til August. I don't want to get up to go to work or even wash my hair. I'm going to call my counselour tom and my pdoc. My OCD ticks are the worst, especially in public. I don't know what to do.

Congrats Brenda

on your engagement!!!

Now I remmeber

why I quite subbing at schools-women are gossipying caddy bitches. OMG. This is my second day back and the longer the day went on , the longer those people said mean things about their so called "friends." Kill me now. I hope I can continue doing this without bitch slapping a colleague.

funny stuff

My family

IS FUCKING CRAZY!!!

update

it is cold and has snowed a couple inches. My boss said tonot come into work today 'cuz the roads are bad and the kids don't have school today. 'tom I go to have an assessment with the new ploace to see my old pdoc. It's a long drive and I hope the interstate is more cleared off. Anyway, I'm stuck inside, but I'm keeping myself busy-playing on the computer, cleaning, etc. I'm so happy I'm much calmer and happier than I've been in a olong while. I've really been working on things, especially my bpd-the finding your identity part, being happpy, etc. Yeah!

Thanks B.B. for the craft gift!

made by me on Girlsense.com

Best New's Years Eve Ever!

contained:
1 pizza
1 pepsi
lots of energy
1 younger sister

did:
played on Girlsense.com for hours and had a blast

was:
Awesome!!!

regrets of evening: went to bed too late, so had restless leg syndrome(sucks)